by ADavCoach | May 24, 2018 | Life Coaching
It’s perceptibly true that you cannot pour from an empty cup, but so often we try to fill up our lives and those of others, without dispensing a little self-love for ourselves. If there is one thing that I preach to myself on the daily, it’s to make time for ‘me’; actually, make ME a priority in my life.
In a world of constant busyness filled with to-do’s and desires, it is easy to put your needs last on the list. Tack on travel filled with experiences, people and the never-ending need to do “all things” and you can slip down to the bottom of the importance list. With all of the hats I wear these days – marketer, coach, real estate investor, and the list goes on… I still make a priority to make me a priority. Here are my five guidelines to support you in making self-love and time a priority in your life
Make an Appointment with Yourself & Keep It
Carving out time for yourself is a must to making ‘you’ a priority. Practice this daily you will develop a ‘me-time’ habit. Think of it as setting up a meeting with your boss; planned and punctual. Schedule 45-60 minutes on your calendar, three to five days a week. During this appointment, focus on you – not social media, to-do lists or others. Read a few pages in a book, meditate and list out your intention for the day.
Embrace You & Don’t Feel Guilty About It
Making yourself a priority can leave you feeling guilt-ridden. There’s always something to do and someone to see. However, slicing time out for yourself regularly or even daily is so important to keep you positive, energized and ready for what your day brings. Try exercising, journaling, or leisurely reading to give yourself “me time”. Doing this often will become a habit and will soon keep you top of mind as you move along throughout your day.
Say No & Mean It
If it doesn’t add value or joy to your life, say NO! Eliminating activities, people and possessions that do not serve a positive purpose in your life will help to remove distractions and clutter that can fill up your time. Plus, the extra time you gain from saying no to things you really don’t care about will give the chance to spend on you and the things that are meaningful and worth it.
Feed Yourself Soul Food
Indulging in soul food is a good thing and I’m not talking about the crispy fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. Filling up on what connects your mind, body, and soul will leave you feeling satisfied and nourished. Like a balanced diet, this can come in many forms, so fuel yourself food with activities that are rewarding like spending time outdoors, connecting with like-minded people, and being immersed in a hobby or passion.
Fight Yourself for Yourself
You vs. You. This is the biggest battle and competition you will face. This comes in the form of habits and thoughts and has the capacity to make or break your spirit and hustle. This is also probably the single most important thing that you can be aware of that will have a direct impact on making yourself a priority. After all, if you think you are a priority, you will likely do what it takes to make sure you stay at the top of the list. Consider being more aware of your thoughts, guided meditations, and maintaining an attitude of gratitude (even if only for ten minutes).
If you want truly want the ‘most out of life’ you must create a focus on your needs (mind, body, and spirit) vs. your wants (career, social life, and money). Only then will you begin to carve out ‘me time’ and live your life on purpose.
by ADavCoach | Dec 12, 2017 | Life Coaching, Travel & Leisure
If you’re like me, you tend to filter what emails you actually read – especially the chain FWD, FWD emails – that you receive along with the 1,000 other shopping, trends, news and junk delivered daily. On this Tuesday morning in Santiago, Chile, I opened up my email to find a chain email started from a man named Harold (whom I don’t know) that eventually was sent to my uncle and later my dad. My dad and I have a series of daily ‘daddio-grams’ that are inspirational messages about life. I took five minutes to read this email and it was phenomenal and transformational. It certainly gives you perspective, a good laugh, and also a new viewpoint of living life on purpose.
I am sharing with all of you and keeping the email in its original format. Please read, reflect and recycle the message. I’m not sure who originally wrote this, but they deserve all the credit and more. Enjoy!
The Back Nine Holes
You know … time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just having kids, and embarking on my new life with my degree and my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all
my hopes and dreams.
But, here it is… the back nine of my life and it catches me by surprise… How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go?
I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that I was only on the first hole and the back nine was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like.
But, here it is … my friends are retired and getting gray … they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me … but, I see the great change … Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant … but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we’d become.
Each day now, I find that just taking a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore … it’s mandatory! Because if I don’t on my own free will … I may just fall asleep where I sit!
And so … now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done … and never did !!! But, at least I know, that though I’m on the back nine, and I’m not sure how long it will last
… 2 or 3, or 15 or 20 years? … this I do know, that when it’s over on this earth…it’s over. Does a new adventure begin? Only our faith in God will tell. Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn’t done …things I should have done … but there are many things I’m happy to have done. It’s all in a lifetime.
If you’re not on the back nine yet … let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life, please do it quickly! Don’t put things off too long!! Life goes by quickly. Do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether you’re on the back nine or not!
You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life … so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember … and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!
“Life” is a gift. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one.
LIVE IT WELL!
ENJOY TODAY!
DO SOMETHING FUN!
BE HAPPY!
HAVE A GREAT DAY
Remember “It is health that is real wealth and not those pieces of gold and silver. LIVE HAPPY IN 2018!
FINALLY, CONSIDER THIS:
- Your kids are becoming you … but your grandchildren are perfect … so far!
- Going out is good … coming home is better!
- You forget names … but it’s OK because some people forgot they even knew you!
- You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything like golf.
- The things you used to care to do, you are not as interesting anymore, but you really do care that you aren’t as interested.
- You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV ‘ON’ than in bed. It’s called “pre-sleep.”
- You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch.
- You tend to use more 4 letter words … “what?”…”when?”… ?
- You notice everything they sell in stores is “sleeveless”!
- What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
- Everybody whispers ! … you have come to expect that people will repeat what they just said to you.
- You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet … 2 of which you will never
wear again.
- … But Old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!
Stay well, “OLD FRIEND!” Send this on to other “Old Friends!” and let them laugh in AGREEMENT!
It’s Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind of Life You Have Lived.
TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU’VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU’LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.
I’d love to hear your take and thoughts on this? How does this relate to living your life on purpose, today?
photo credit: CincySavers.com
by ADavCoach | Dec 8, 2017 | Life Coaching
Have you ever wondered why you do the things that you do? That is, what drives your behavior into actions for motivation, goals, and purpose? Your motivation to complete anything, especially important, can be categorized into two types – intrinsic and extrinsic motivation.
Intrinsic and extrinsic motivation both drive behavior and have rewards attached to them. The difference is not only the type of reward but the feelings associated with them while in pursuit of the goal and after it is obtained. Understanding intrinsic and extrinsic motivation will set you with the right motives for goal setting.
Extrinsic Motivation
Extrinsic motivation arises from outside incentives. It often has to do with rewards that are external and often satisfy someone else.
Examples often are tied to and include:
- Financial: Meeting sales goals for a bonus or promotion at the end of the quarter.
- Self-esteem: Working out so you can look good in the eyes of a companion/friends/others.
- Perception: Completing a race for an award.
Extrinsic motivation focuses on the future, not the present moment.
Intrinsic Motivation
Intrinsic motivation arises from within. Often, there is no tangible reward attached, as the task itself is the reward.
When you are engaged in something that is intrinsically motivated, you will notice:
- Personal Achievement: Reading and learning because you genuinely enjoy it and have an interest in the topic. There is no grade, or reward attached.
- Satisfaction: Writing or publishing a blog (or anything else) because you want to share knowledge, not make a profit out of it (if you do, this is a bonus).
- Inspiration: Working out every day to get stronger and feel better mentally and physically.
Intrinsic motivation focuses on the present, not the past or the future.
Goals: Intrinsic & Extrinsic:
We all set goals as a way of planning and visioning for the future to achieve a desired result or outcome. The key to goals is creating a meaningful goal – something that is important to you. When we talk about why we set goals and how we are going to accomplish them, intrinsic and extrinsic motivation play an important role.
Intrinsic Goals
Intrinsic motivation will often give you a greater insight into goals setting in finding a place where you are really in your element. This can also be called “being in the flow”. Being in the flow brings a place of great achievement. When you create goals with intrinsic motivation as the driving force, you:
- Maintain flow or concentration
- Give your best effort because it is meaningful
- Are present in the moment and happy (the current state brings satisfaction and the meaning/impact carries on into the future).
Extrinsic Goals
Extrinsically motivated goals often have a focus on external awards. There is often not a meaningful goal because one is seeking external validation.
With extrinsic motivation, you’ll find that you:
- May be tempted to procrastinate because there is no real flow. The journey of the goal is less important and you are looking for the end satisfaction.
- There is a high desire to get the reward, but you are not motivated to excel after or to perfect the performance.
- Are doing it for the sake of the reward and there would be a reluctance to complete the goal if no reward were attached.
Motivation from Within
Those who pursue intrinsic goals are motivated from within and tend to be more happy and successful on their terms. When you are fulfilled based on your needs, you will pursue goals that embrace happiness, competence, success, and empathy. Being intrinsically motivated – from within – also leads to becoming more “extrinsically successful” because you will naturally receive awards and rewards. For example, you write a blog on health because it is important and interests you (intrinsic motivator). Likely, others will look to you for advise and input and monetizing will follow (extrinsic financial reward). The key is that the focus is on the need (intrinsic motivator) and not the want (extrinsic reward).
As you set goals for the upcoming new year, be sure to keep intrinsic motivation top of mind. You will not only reach your goals but you will be internally validated.
by ADavCoach | Dec 5, 2017 | Life Coaching
How many times have you used the word ‘should’ to describe advice you are giving to yourself or others? Chances are that you ‘should’ yourself and others often and the likelihood that it turns into something productive and positive is slim (trust me, I know from personal experience).
As a life coach, I often encounter my clients ‘shoulding themselves’ early on in conversations. I find this sets unrealistic expectations, causes distrust in relationships, attaches negative feelings and guilt, and causes people to stay stuck in the past. These outcomes do not benefit you with goals or living a purpose-full life. Every time I hear a client say ‘should’ (or can’t), I ask them to consider a different word. Most of the time, their intention is different than what is expressed with ‘should’.
Should in Action
The potential of changing ‘should’ from your vocabulary and mindset is powerful. Here’s a couple of examples of the negative impact of ‘should’.
Personal ‘Should’
I should work out 4 days a week.
I will work out 4 days a week.
See the difference? The first sentence with the word ‘should’ does not bring any sense of assurance. The second sentence gives a sense of commitment and inspires action.
Should with Others
You should quit your job if you are happy.
You could quit your job if you are happy.
The slight change from ‘should’ to ‘could’ offers a sense of choice and offers a less harsh approach to an opinion. It also gives the other person an open mind to think about the possibilities if they complete the action.
You Should Can Stop It
Eliminate the negative thinking and feelings attached to the word should by become aware, replacing ‘should’, and accomplishing what you set to do.
- Aware – The first step in changing your mindset about intentions is becoming more aware of the use of negative or disagreeable words from our vocabulary, like should.
- Replace – Next time you catch yourself saying should try replacing it with could, would, choose or will.
- Accomplish – The change in mindset and attitude about the words you say will come, but for it to transpire, you must act. If it’s starting a workout routine or quitting a negative habit, do it. If it requires a bit more time to accomplish, take small steps consistently. They will add up and you will get there.
Benefits of Not ‘Shoulding Yourself’
There are several benefits of replacing ‘should’ from your vocabulary. You can look forward to:
- Realistic Expectations
- A Positive Spirit
- Trusted Relationships
- Personal Fulfilment
- A Present Mindset
Don’t Should Yourself… it sounds simple but is not easy. Once you make the choice to change the way you think, talk (to ourselves and others) and do, you’ll find yourself on the path to a life filled with intent, gratitude, and purpose.
